All there is tonight is quiet.

The pillows have been placed back been on the couch. Molly's toys are scattered back around the floor without fear of being ripped apart by a medium-sized brown dog. The trashcans are back to their respective homes without the possibility that they will be tipped over by a jumpy 55 pound visitor. A visitor who has left a permanent mark on our hearts.
Tonight, there is no anxiousness in going to bed wondering what time and how many times I will be awakened to let our little visitor outside or to entertain her because she is bored.
All there is tonight is quiet. And a few tears. However, they are mostly tears of joy and happiness. I admit, selfishly, that there are some tears mixed in there of sadness because I won't be able to hold Steph's paw, have her play-bite me or snuggle her anymore.
I love that little girl and always will. 3 weeks. That's all it took for me to fall in love with her. And to know that she deserved to be in a home with another dog with lots of energy and lots of love.
I will not go into the details, but long story short, I was never supposed to be a real foster parent. However, through certain circumstances, that's exactly what happened. I would not take the experience back for anything, but I want to take this opportunity to commend and thank all of the people that serve as foster parents for animals in these organizations. I have cried, I have gotten angry and gone through every emotion possible during Stephanie's short stay. I will admit to you that I had even decided to myself that people who do this have something wrong with them. Who in their right mind would put themselves through this time and time again and why would you just not keep the dog every time? What loving human could give up an animal after it had shared their life and home with them like this? Ironically, what changed my mind was a simple four-letter word. LOVE.
I really fell in love with Stephanie. Not the "oooh I love you, you're so cute, googley-eyed" kind of love. I mean that I came to love her like my own--I desperately wanted her to be happy, to have the best, not to be in pain, not to be sad, not to be hungry, to always be taken care of. And I would go to any lengths to make sure that this was attained. I realized that Stephanie needed to be in a home with another animal so that she could stay entertained as she was pretty energetic. I also had to think about Molly. I was not being the best mom I could be to her by allowing Stephanie to stay permanently. And obviously I feel that unrelenting love for Molly. There is no way that I would allow Stephanie into any home that was less than wonderful but because she found that, I would be selfish NOT to allow her to live out her full potential. And Molly needed to be able to live out hers.
So, these "foster parent people" are not crazy. They simply allow themselves to experience a lot of pain because seeing the happiness in that dog's eyes when they have found a loving family, is worth going through the emotional roller-coaster. Still, I know that it is not for everyone. It is an incredibly emotionally-charged job that I know not everyone is equipped to handle. But when faced with the situation, and this beautiful animal, I did what I had to do. Could I do it again? I don't know.To those of you that do this on a continual basis, you have my utmost respect and thanks. God bless you.
So...I will start on the house repairs that Stephanie left as a present for me, I will pray for her and her new family, I will keep my love for her in my heart and I will miss her....but I will never, ever forget her.

Among so many other things, I'm thankful for my slip-covered sofa...

As with every day, I am incredibly thankful for so many things. I have a wonderful family, wonderful friends, good health, food to eat, a job that I love, a precious dog, Molly and God's love in my heart. But today, I am especially thankful for a slip-covered sofa. Because if it weren't for this slip-covered sofa, I may have had a breakdown and there would have been a medium-sized brown dog that was fearful for her life. Just kidding on the second part...but in all seriousness, thank Heavens for Prozac... : )

As you know, it has been extremely hot outside. So hot that I think it has everyone going a little coo-coo. Including the dogs. Yesterday morning I let my foster dog Stephanie outside to hang out on the porch and eat her breakfast. This has been our routine for the last couple of weeks.She was out there for about 15 minutes. When I went down to get her, I noticed that she has broken through the screened porch and landed flat on top of a large pampas grass bush. I am sad to say that both must be replaced. Stephanie came away with merely a scratch.

I thought this was the end of her wildness for the day. Oh no. I come home from work to find my couch cushion has been chewed and my "lambie", the stuffed animal of Pete's that I have slept with since the day he passed away, had been "attacked". Many months back I could not find a couch that I really wanted, and I was knee-deep in working on a model home, so I was in full "material shopping" mode, so I just decided to do a slip-cover my couch. Thank God. Stephanie and I would be having many more words if it had been a new couch...and they would not have been very friendly.

Now the part about "Lambie" is just plain sad. I have literally slept cuddled up to him every night since November 3rd. So, I did what normal people would do and I broke out the needle and thread. I was quite impressed with myself. So, I am proud to announce that Lambie's leg is now intact and we snuggled together as normal last night. But this made me start thinking a little bit. Normally when Stephanie tears something apart (and trust me, I have become quite accustomed to it), she really tears it apart and there is no putting it back together. She did not do this to "Lambie". Did she know what Lambie meant to me? Or did Molly start hyperventilating as she saw her chewing on it as she knew what would happen when Mommy saw it? Or was this a sign; A sign that maybe it is time for me to kiss "Lambie" and safely tuck him away in Pete's box within my closet? Maybe it is. And maybe I will. But for a little while longer, Lambie and I will snuggle at night and sleep with our best friend Pete "physically"close to our hearts.

I would like to say that this was the end of "Stephanie's heat wave of craziness". As I tried to fix and clean the couch, my wonderful neighbor offered to take Stephanie off my hands for a little while. I seriously re-considered all the times that I have been judgmental about parents who pass their children off to anyone. "Here, take them!" (Not that my neighbor is "just anyone" but it made me laugh to think of those parents...) As I called to ask him if it would be okay for me to take a bath or if I should come over and pick her up before, he went on to tell me that she was doing great, running in and out the doggie door, etc. Before the words "Have you forgotten about the hole in your back fence?" could get out of my mouth, I heard the phone slam down and him running down the street. Escapee Stephanie. I went outside and she looked like a small, dark brown deer running at full speed. But unlike times before, she came running right to me. We repaired the fence and she stayed for  a little while so that I could bathe in peace. I guess this would equate to those times as a parent when you have a friend that says "sit down, go take your bath, go rest--I have her". I have a new-found respect for you ladies. And I'm sorry to my best friends that I didn't or don't do this more often. Please tell me when you need me. And please don't take my comparison of my foster-dog to a child as an insult. I think that any of you who know me realize that it is the highest form of a compliment I could give. : )

In conclusion, Stephanie decided this morning that she had not done enough damage to the couch yesterday, so she took care of that for me this morning. Thanks Steph! Once again, I am SO THANKFUL FOR A SLIP-COVERED SOFA! Luckily, this damage, too, can be covered up by the cushions and the little brown dog is safe! : )

So off I go to take Stephanie to my best friend's house to try and get her to swim in the pool and tire herself out. The fact that she has a 10 year old little girl that is a ball of energy and will tire Stephanie out from playing with her doesn't hurt either. Molly and I will be the ones on the float at the other end of the pool if you need us. : )

Hell on the Heart...

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. I'll give the short version.
As many of you know, I lost my love, Petey, my 17 year old chow-lab on November 3rd. The despair that came from this loss is beyond anything that I could begin to explain. The connection that I had with Petey was indescribable. After coming out of a long "grief-coma", I decided that my dog Molly really needed a friend, as she was lonely and her going to work with me sometimes was just not getting it. So we started on our journey to rescue a larger, male dog who was submissive...because Molly HAS to be the boss as well as the princess. After a "meet and greet" with a lab/ pyrenees mix, it finally hit me that Molly was pretty content as an only dog, and that I was doing this more for myself out of guilt than for her. Molly needed some time as an only pet and to bask in the attention that I had formerly given so much of to Pete;  Because of his sickness, he required constant attention and care, and though Molly loved him dearly, I know that she wanted some time to herself.
After this meet and greet with the lab/pyrenees mix, I emailed the rescue and let them know to not spend time on processing my application and I explained the situation. They asked if I might be willing to temporarily house some of their rescues sometimes when people went out of town or they had a emergency situation. I thought that this would be a great idea. Molly could have a friend over for a couple of days and we could contribute to the welfare of these precious animals on another level.
2 weeks ago I got the email. "Stephanie" had been in a foster home and they needed to travel this summer and  wouldn't be able to take care of her. Could I take her for a little but until the rescue could arrange a place for her? Sure. I thought that this dog had been in a foster home with caring people and was well-adjusted and I would take her for a week or so and then she would move on to her next stage. WRONG.
Let me start out by saying that I am not "bashing" anyone or anything that tries to help animals. I realize that mistakes happen. It just had to be my luck that it happened to me this time and to a precious animal who has come to mean so much to me....But I am so thankful that Stephanie and I found each other. Even if for this brief moment in each of our lives.
Stephanie came to my house skinny, scared and not knowing what being loved felt like. I have never met a dog that shy and scared. She jumped when the air conditioner came on, a paper moved or you moved your foot. It was truly heart-breaking. The worst part was that she had been in a foster home for 6 months already and no one had been looking for her a home. She had truly gotten "lost in the system". When I started putting the pieces together,and realized what this little girl had been through, even in place that was supposed to be "safe" and loving,  I knew that there was no way I was letting this little girl leave my home without going to be with a family that would love her and care for her like she deserved. I was now heavily involved.
My friend Matthew took lots of photo and video of her and I wrote up a story of the dramatic transformation of this beautiful animal within 24 hours of being in a loving home. I can not explain the sweetness and love that oozed from this dog! A wonderful family called about her the very next day.
I cried the whole way to her "meet and greet" and I cried the whole night that she had her sleepover with the family. But I knew that this family was going to love her so much and they had a wonderful brother for her to play with. My prayers for Stephanie had been answered!
Well..Stephanie's new brother has to be "fixed" and go through a 7-14 day recovery period, so I have Stephanie with me for another couple of weeks. I wanted her with me and not shuffled to another place while he recovered. But having her here is HELL ON THE HEART. Every day I get to have her as a part of my life and love her as if she were my own, but I know that in 2 weeks, I will deliver this sweet animal who has become like my own, to her new family, and say goodbye. No more snuggling her at night, no more pawing me and kisses, no more car rides, no more walks...just goodbye and she is off to her new life.
The largest part of my heart and soul knows that she will be so happy in her new home with her new lab brother, mommy and daddy, and I am so thankful for that. The day I saw her with her new family, I knew. But then there is this other part of my heart and soul that just wants each day to pass so slowly so that 2 weeks will not come, and I will not have to let her go. But I will. And I will cry. And I will long for her. And I will pray for her. And I will wonder at night if she's sleeping well and if she's had plenty of treats, hugs and kisses that day. And I will wonder if she misses and thinks of me. Because, Lord Knows, I will miss her and  think of her constantly.