All there is tonight is quiet.

The pillows have been placed back been on the couch. Molly's toys are scattered back around the floor without fear of being ripped apart by a medium-sized brown dog. The trashcans are back to their respective homes without the possibility that they will be tipped over by a jumpy 55 pound visitor. A visitor who has left a permanent mark on our hearts.
Tonight, there is no anxiousness in going to bed wondering what time and how many times I will be awakened to let our little visitor outside or to entertain her because she is bored.
All there is tonight is quiet. And a few tears. However, they are mostly tears of joy and happiness. I admit, selfishly, that there are some tears mixed in there of sadness because I won't be able to hold Steph's paw, have her play-bite me or snuggle her anymore.
I love that little girl and always will. 3 weeks. That's all it took for me to fall in love with her. And to know that she deserved to be in a home with another dog with lots of energy and lots of love.
I will not go into the details, but long story short, I was never supposed to be a real foster parent. However, through certain circumstances, that's exactly what happened. I would not take the experience back for anything, but I want to take this opportunity to commend and thank all of the people that serve as foster parents for animals in these organizations. I have cried, I have gotten angry and gone through every emotion possible during Stephanie's short stay. I will admit to you that I had even decided to myself that people who do this have something wrong with them. Who in their right mind would put themselves through this time and time again and why would you just not keep the dog every time? What loving human could give up an animal after it had shared their life and home with them like this? Ironically, what changed my mind was a simple four-letter word. LOVE.
I really fell in love with Stephanie. Not the "oooh I love you, you're so cute, googley-eyed" kind of love. I mean that I came to love her like my own--I desperately wanted her to be happy, to have the best, not to be in pain, not to be sad, not to be hungry, to always be taken care of. And I would go to any lengths to make sure that this was attained. I realized that Stephanie needed to be in a home with another animal so that she could stay entertained as she was pretty energetic. I also had to think about Molly. I was not being the best mom I could be to her by allowing Stephanie to stay permanently. And obviously I feel that unrelenting love for Molly. There is no way that I would allow Stephanie into any home that was less than wonderful but because she found that, I would be selfish NOT to allow her to live out her full potential. And Molly needed to be able to live out hers.
So, these "foster parent people" are not crazy. They simply allow themselves to experience a lot of pain because seeing the happiness in that dog's eyes when they have found a loving family, is worth going through the emotional roller-coaster. Still, I know that it is not for everyone. It is an incredibly emotionally-charged job that I know not everyone is equipped to handle. But when faced with the situation, and this beautiful animal, I did what I had to do. Could I do it again? I don't know.To those of you that do this on a continual basis, you have my utmost respect and thanks. God bless you.
So...I will start on the house repairs that Stephanie left as a present for me, I will pray for her and her new family, I will keep my love for her in my heart and I will miss her....but I will never, ever forget her.