Hell on the Heart...

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. I'll give the short version.
As many of you know, I lost my love, Petey, my 17 year old chow-lab on November 3rd. The despair that came from this loss is beyond anything that I could begin to explain. The connection that I had with Petey was indescribable. After coming out of a long "grief-coma", I decided that my dog Molly really needed a friend, as she was lonely and her going to work with me sometimes was just not getting it. So we started on our journey to rescue a larger, male dog who was submissive...because Molly HAS to be the boss as well as the princess. After a "meet and greet" with a lab/ pyrenees mix, it finally hit me that Molly was pretty content as an only dog, and that I was doing this more for myself out of guilt than for her. Molly needed some time as an only pet and to bask in the attention that I had formerly given so much of to Pete;  Because of his sickness, he required constant attention and care, and though Molly loved him dearly, I know that she wanted some time to herself.
After this meet and greet with the lab/pyrenees mix, I emailed the rescue and let them know to not spend time on processing my application and I explained the situation. They asked if I might be willing to temporarily house some of their rescues sometimes when people went out of town or they had a emergency situation. I thought that this would be a great idea. Molly could have a friend over for a couple of days and we could contribute to the welfare of these precious animals on another level.
2 weeks ago I got the email. "Stephanie" had been in a foster home and they needed to travel this summer and  wouldn't be able to take care of her. Could I take her for a little but until the rescue could arrange a place for her? Sure. I thought that this dog had been in a foster home with caring people and was well-adjusted and I would take her for a week or so and then she would move on to her next stage. WRONG.
Let me start out by saying that I am not "bashing" anyone or anything that tries to help animals. I realize that mistakes happen. It just had to be my luck that it happened to me this time and to a precious animal who has come to mean so much to me....But I am so thankful that Stephanie and I found each other. Even if for this brief moment in each of our lives.
Stephanie came to my house skinny, scared and not knowing what being loved felt like. I have never met a dog that shy and scared. She jumped when the air conditioner came on, a paper moved or you moved your foot. It was truly heart-breaking. The worst part was that she had been in a foster home for 6 months already and no one had been looking for her a home. She had truly gotten "lost in the system". When I started putting the pieces together,and realized what this little girl had been through, even in place that was supposed to be "safe" and loving,  I knew that there was no way I was letting this little girl leave my home without going to be with a family that would love her and care for her like she deserved. I was now heavily involved.
My friend Matthew took lots of photo and video of her and I wrote up a story of the dramatic transformation of this beautiful animal within 24 hours of being in a loving home. I can not explain the sweetness and love that oozed from this dog! A wonderful family called about her the very next day.
I cried the whole way to her "meet and greet" and I cried the whole night that she had her sleepover with the family. But I knew that this family was going to love her so much and they had a wonderful brother for her to play with. My prayers for Stephanie had been answered!
Well..Stephanie's new brother has to be "fixed" and go through a 7-14 day recovery period, so I have Stephanie with me for another couple of weeks. I wanted her with me and not shuffled to another place while he recovered. But having her here is HELL ON THE HEART. Every day I get to have her as a part of my life and love her as if she were my own, but I know that in 2 weeks, I will deliver this sweet animal who has become like my own, to her new family, and say goodbye. No more snuggling her at night, no more pawing me and kisses, no more car rides, no more walks...just goodbye and she is off to her new life.
The largest part of my heart and soul knows that she will be so happy in her new home with her new lab brother, mommy and daddy, and I am so thankful for that. The day I saw her with her new family, I knew. But then there is this other part of my heart and soul that just wants each day to pass so slowly so that 2 weeks will not come, and I will not have to let her go. But I will. And I will cry. And I will long for her. And I will pray for her. And I will wonder at night if she's sleeping well and if she's had plenty of treats, hugs and kisses that day. And I will wonder if she misses and thinks of me. Because, Lord Knows, I will miss her and  think of her constantly.